How much is to much…I OBJECT!
I disagree with the statement that one parent wrote in response to this question. They said “Parents should protect their children at all times from hurting themselves or others (safety).” Now I’m sure this parent has much more experience than me, and that they will possibly regard this as poorly thought out criticism from someone at least 20 years younger them. However, this statement still does not make sense to me, so my inexperience feels compelled to say something anyway. As a child, I don’t think I would have learned nearly as well if I had’t been allowed to make small, measured mistakes. Of course I was protected from making BIG mistakes such as running out in front of cars, but my parents realised that there were times when I would, and should, make mistakes myself so that I could learn from them. If a parent protects his/her ‘child’ until they are 18 it really isn’t doing them any favors because once outside of that sheltering wing, they will get SMACKED in the face with the world instead of getting slowly used to it while still at home (where some amount of control is a very good thing). They will also never learn how to learn from mistakes and move on (a valuable life skill) because they will be protected from all mistakes possible. The ‘child’ (now 18) will not be able to lean ANYTHING themselves without their parents holding their hand.
Im in no way a fan of ‘hands off’ parenting (even as a “rebellious” little 14 year old). In fact, I think that kids need structure, punishment, etc. However, totally protecting your kids from every mistake will lead them to make MUCH bigger ones when they are off on their own, and really not do them any favors in the long run.
on January 26th, 2007 at 1:06 am
[…] Decisions like this have no right answer. I hate to say it but what one person says, another person will argue the exact opposite. So answering this question is purely a matter of opinion. My opinion is that you should protect them while they can’t protect themselves, but after that you should let them learn through exploratory trial and error. But the line that divides the time when they can’t protect themselves and when they can is very blurry, as it is dependent on the maturity of the child. I agree ENTIRELY with Silver Lining’spost on this same question. I think a lot of people know (not to over generalize) “those” types of people. The people who can’t make any decisions or make decisions that have serious consequences because they have never learned how to make decisions from the start. It’s entirely a judgement call by the parent as to when they let the child figure it out on their own and when they shield them from mistakes. Now i’m not talking about the big stuff like kids/teens trying drugs, smoking, or little kid’s running out in the street or putting their hand on a hot stove, because the consequences of those “explorations” are two permanent and serious to be an experience. What i’m talking about is stuff like should they let the kid learn that if they start their homework at 9:00 they will stay up late and be tired or should they tell them to start their home work at 7:00 so that doesn’t happen, or if they see their driving age child speeding should they put one of the many tracking devices avalible in the car and yell at them every time they speed or should they let them get a ticket and make them pay for it with their own money. To me (and I think most teenagers) parent’s yelling at me/arguing with me get’s no result. It’s when they use something that I am invested in back as a threat, then I start paying attention. When something of mine is at stake then the situation becomes different. I think the best teacher is your own mistakes, but in order to learn from them you must have a consequence that affects you directly, not someone else. […]
on January 31st, 2007 at 12:19 pm
this is very true. exsept i think that all parents are the same in diffrent ways. same with kids (if that makes any sence at all) anyways great job you “rebel” child!!